On Monday, February 18th, Palace dropped their SS19 range preview on their website, complete with product descriptions. If you’re not familiar, they almost never describe anything. Most of the time, the descriptions are just incoherent thoughts not related to the product in any way. Often taking shots at other brands, Palace has been known to throw shots at Gosha Rubchinskiy’s Paccbet (even before the scandal) and have even thrown shots at BAPE as well. Sometimes the descriptions are throwing shots, sometimes they’re talking about pints and drinking, sometimes they’ll throw shade at your Mom or Dad, you really never know. The descriptions are almost always funny and they can often be wildly out of pocket and absurd. That being said, scroll down to look through our top 10 Palace product descriptions with some light commentary.
10. PWLWCE CORD 6-PANEL
This caption probably could’ve been rated higher, but due to its relevance, it felt right as the first in the list. Palace has become well known for calling out what’s happening in current events in their captions and this one feels just the right amount of “on the nose”. We’re definitely hoping for a Palace x 21 Savage collaboration now but we gotta keep J. Cole as far away from it as possible.
9. TEX T-SHIRT
This shirt looks like it has pre-existing sweat stains which is perfect if you sweat a lot and would’ve put them there anyway. The description was included because it literally talks shit to the article that we’re (very loosely) writing about it. In our defense, StockX isn’t necessarily trying to be punk right now, but this definitely would’ve been hurtful in middle school.
8. F-LOCK CREW
One of several obligatory descriptions complaining about doing descriptions. It’s description-ception. If any theme exists from season-to-season at Palace, it’s that the person writing the descriptions: A. likes to talk shit about your mom and dad, and B. dislikes writing descriptions or at the very least, likes writing about disliking writing descriptions.
7. P SPORT JOGGER
What’s scarier? This scenario or the trailer for that new Jordan Peele movie? Honestly, we might have to boycott Palace for a while just for making us think about this. It’s one thing for them to write a description like this for something fire but we had to read this as the description for a pair of sweats that are about as mid as it gets?
6. PRO TOOL T-SHIRT
Could’ve called this one. They’ve got shots available for everyone and anyone. Honestly, we’re surprised they haven’t come for Balenciaga (or at least the people who wear it) sooner.
*Palace’s descriptions do not reflect the opinion of StockX, though we mostly agree with this.*
5. TEAM PANEL JEAN
*Stefon from Weekend Update Voice* Palace’s hottest description is “TEAM PANEL JEAN WHITE/ NAVY”. Describing what looks like people, potentially from Palace’s Skate Team (Lucien is in there somewhere at least), on this pair of pants is guaranteed to make your significant other question everything. This description has everything; numbers AND letters, weed references, the F-word, the phrase “cray cray”. The perfect pair of pants for someone who likes to wear other people on their legs.
4. SEALER SHELL BOTTOMS
This one presents an interesting conundrum. Imagine being lazy and smoking a lot of weed and then deciding to get your life together and stop smoking weed, only to find that weed wasn’t the problem. It was just you. Yeah, just picking it back up might be the way to best deal with that self-discovery.
3. P SPORT HOOD
It literally does not matter if you’re reading this 7 years after it’s been published, we, at StockX, are still trying to figure this out.
2. PWLWCE BEANIE
We do not have much to comment on this except for YIKES. Take from this what you will. They’re throwing shots on a different level with this one. No names, but if you know, you know.
1. LINER LONGSLEEVE POLO
We don’t know where to start or end with this one. It’s kind of impressive and definitely appalling. It’s hard to tell if this is a home run or a strike out. Check out our article on the collab though, and don’t get mad about the self-plug, this is all just a joke.
