Despite the fact that 2020 has already felt like an eternity, it’s important to remember that we’re still only in the middle of February. That being said, there have been a few bright spots so far this year: Parasite rightly won Best Picture at the Oscars and for those of us who are into it, there’s a new Justin Bieber album.
Another of this year’s bright spots comes courtesy of everyone’s favorite London streetwear brand Palace, who released the full range of their Spring 2020 collection on February 10th. As has become tradition, Palace’s seasonal preview came complete with out-of-pocket product descriptions. These descriptions do not explain the products in a way anyone could rationally expect and instead feature the ramblings of someone that appears to be writing in an altered state, who does nothing but watch soccer and pound beers. This season the brand seems to have beef with brands like ASOS and Topshop, while in past seasons they’ve used this clever medium to diss other brands including BAPE and Kith. We were more than happy to pour over each and every product description Palace delivered this week to hand selected our favorites, ranking them in the list below.
Ye Old Pringle Knit
Can we talk about how excellent a marketing strategy this is? Select your target market, make an item for them, and then neg them into buying it. Both this piece and product description were made for a demographic who’s still not really sure what TikTok is. Perfect execution. Chef’s Kiss. A++.
Planet Palace Jacket
This is Good Will Hunting. Palace is a British Matt Damon berating the nerd with the long hair in front of a young Minnie Driver. Palace does not care if it offends you and it will ask you if you want to take things outside if you disagree with it. “How ya like them apples?”
One Eighty Top
Palace knew this year was going to be the way it is and planned its New Year’s Resolution accordingly. One hundred and eighty times at the pub is enough to make it almost every other day, which when you think about it is absolutely achievable. We love a realistic and achievable New Year’s Resolution.
Tri-Smiler T-Shirt
If you’re reading this and you feel targeted – congratulations! You are being bullied by a brand! We’re really sorry about that and we’re also really sorry that we think it’s pretty funny. If you’re reading this and you don’t feel targeted – we’re glad you’re here, we like it too.
Puffer Hood
LOL. We are NOT falling for this one. It doesn’t matter if you have the smallest head on the entire planet, this is absolutely going to accentuate anyone’s dome. It’s not possible to wear this without looking like a bobble-head and we’re not changing our minds on that until we see it with our own eyes.
Pique 6-Panel
Remember this the next time you walk past a store and it looks like the windows have been snot-rocketed by a giant fuzzy triangular thing.
Soap Dodger T-Shirt
The cookies might be the only good thing at Subway and that’s that on that. Maybe Subway should put sprinkle that cookie crack on everything else they sell too. Anyway, this is right.
My Size T-Shirt
Y’all mind if I validate my mates?
Waximum Echo Tech Fleece Hood + Sofar Longsleeve + Fall-T T-Shirt
These three product descriptions appear in the order they’re found on the Palace site. We, here at StockX, are just blown away by what we’re seeing right now. This is the galaxy brain of product descriptions. A three part story about getting food poisoning in Vancouver and then passing out for 22 hours. All told in product descriptions. This is like the National Treasure of product descriptions.
*Extremely Nicholas Cage in National Treasure voice* “We’re gonna tell a story about getting food poisoning in Vancouver and then sleeping for 22-23 hours using only product descriptions.”
-The person writing these, probably
Waximum Echo Tech Fleece Joggers
I really hope Travis Scott performs in these – there is nothing better than a streetwear easter egg that literally 40 people know exists.
Bare Storage Cargo
90% sure my uncle who wears Keen sandals and likes to kayak and just bought a new boat owns a pair of these pants in khaki. He too lost a lighter in his pockets for 24 years, around the same time my cousin was born. Happy birthday, Ash, btw. We can confirm the legitimacy of this product description and this should be taken as a warning to all who plan to store lighters in the pockets of these pants upon purchase.
Leather Jacket
It is rare that a brand can make one feel so many different things from nothing more than a few words under a jacket. Do you feel gassed up because you think you can pull it off? Are you insulted because Palace clearly thinks you can’t? Are you nervous because when you saw it you thought you could but then you read the description and felt self-conscious? Maybe you feel challenged and will buy the jacket just to spite the brand. Personally, I’ll be taking two in each colorway, my 2020 New Year’s Resolution was to feel all of the emotions.
Shop Palace’s Spring 2020 season on StockX here!
